Following on from the hilarious VC Non-Admissions and Founder Non-Admissions, not to mention the subsequent Angel Investor Non-Admissions I’ve added my own take on this issue, from an SEO perspective.
10 things your SEO company will never say to you:
- Our analysis indicates that your last SEO agency was far better value.
- Most of what we do doesn’t work any more, but if you keep us long enough, we may eventually find something new.
- Know-bodee will ever no that all of our arteecals are riten bi Indians,
- We don’t understand branding, graphic design, PR, or copy writing, but have just changed everything randomly anyway.
- We can help you rank for any keyphrase that has zero search volume, guaranteed.
- We’re more of a design agency, but one of our staff has been reading a book about SEO, so we thought we’d give it a go.
- Yes, this is my first time; by the time I know what I’m doing you won’t be able to afford me.
- You’re launching a pointless product into an imaginary market and so even ranking #1 on Google isn’t going to save you.
- You’d probably make a profit if we halved our fee.
- What’s web analytics?
Nice. What about the…
“We can get you on the first page of google within 24 hours! However, you might be black listed because of our not-so-legit tactics. But hey, it’s in our terms and conditions which we cleverly disguised as a 100% money back guarantee!”
Maybe thats a bit too long for a top 10. But still. he he.